Waking up in Vegas
by Strawberrii
Summary: Alfred invites Arthur to celebrate his birthday in Vegas, but he hadn't planned on waking up married to him...
1. Chapter 1: Nothing matches ecru

**Well this is my first Hetalia fic, so please excuse any mistakes? I love USxUK so I had to write about them :D I've checked repeatedly but I've had a problem with past stories where words disappear once the chapter is uploaded, if anybody notices anything like that please let me know!**

**Please read and reveiw, I hope you enjoy it! I really appreciate tips and advice. **

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Hetalia Axis Powers. **

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"Awesome, that'll be great."

Arthur looked up from his book, only to glare at Alfred who was talking far to loud on his mobile telephone. Or as Alfred called it... a 'cell'.

"You know, some of us are trying to read." Arthur called sarcastically, and Alfred turned slightly.

"Yeah, call you back, a senior citizen is having some trouble reading." he snapped the phone shut and walked over, oblivious to Arthur's furious expression.

"What's this?" Alfred asked, glancing at the book cover. "_Pride and Prejudice_? What the hell is that? Iggy you have the worst taste." he tutted, and before Arthur could leap up and beat him with the hardback, Alfred suddenly produced another book from thin air. "You should read this instead."

Arthur blinked, was Alfred a complete idiot? Actually no, there was no need to ask that, it was a _fact _that Alfred was stupid.

"When the bloody hell has 'Where's Waldo' been classed as a novel?" he asked reaching for his tea.

"Its a classic." Alfred replied enthusiastically, he sat on the pouffe before Arthur, and began to read the book, genuinely intrigued. "I can never find the rascal!" he giggled. "He's just to awesome!"

Arthur stared at him dumbfound. Nevermind, while the idiot was distracted Arthur could return to Elizabeth's daring encounter with Lady Catherine de Bourgh! Arthur scanned the page until he found the line he had last read before the interruption, just as he felt himself getting lost within the novel...

"I found him!" Alfred squealed girlishly, before focusing and pouting. "Oh, no its just a barber shop pole..."

_"Kill him now!" _Arthur jumped at the sound of a tiny voice, he glanced to his right, to see one of his tiny friends fluttering next to him. She was a truly divine specimen of fairy.

"What?" Arthur whispered. "Did you just-"

"_Yes I did!" _the fairy said sternly, "_You'll never reach the end of this book with him around!"_

"But surely there's no need to-"

"_What about the time he rigged that game of 'spin the bottle'? You ended up in a cupboard with France for seven minutes." _the tiny creature reminded him and Arthur shuddered as he tried to suppress the memory.

_"Oh Arthur what fine thighs you have!" _the fairy quoted and Arthur's eye twitched. "Your right," he muttered. "Lets take him out now, nobody would know."

"_We could bury the body in the garden!" _

"Under my azaleas!"

"Iggy who the hell are you talking to?" Arthur turned back to face America who was staring at him intently. "Not your imaginary friends again?"

"They are not imaginary!" Arthur protested, just because Alfred was not special enough to feel their presence.

"Whatever Iggy." Alfred chuckled to himself, he reached for a blueberry muffin from Arthur's special 'reading time muffin basket' (which around the handle,was tied with a powder blue ribbon). Arthur watched curiously as the younger man gently took a bite, time seemed to slow as he awaited his 'critic'. Slowly Alfred chewed, before he paused his face going quite pale. Arthur clutched his book in wait, were his muffins a delicacy?

"What on earth is this crap?" Alfred coughed spitting the chewed up remains into his hand. Arthur sniffed loudly, "I thought you might like them, they were fresh blueberries."

"They're as hard as rocks! Honestly Iggy, I bet if you made rock cakes they would come out like pancakes!"

That was it! Arthur had no idea what Alfred was doing in his home anyway. He had never had a 'quick visit before the meeting' before!

"Well go make your own damn muffins then you git!" Arthur cried, "I happen to think my muffins are smashing! Champion!" he had to lie there, it would defeat the object if he insulted his own cooking.

"Calm down Arthur, I don't want you to have a heart attack on me." Alfred muttered pulling a cheeseburger from his jacket pocket. He unwrapped it quickly, not noticing the drop of mustard drip onto Arthur's carpet.

"You..you _IDIOT! " _Arthur hissed leaping up. Alfred blinked as he munched away, "Sowwy Iggy, it'll come out."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to get mustard out of an ecru carpet?" Arthur shouted, dashing to the kitchen he fetched his special cleaning supplies, which were kept in a red box. (Red for emergency.)

"This is what I abhor about fast food!" Arthur cried as he ran back in, Alfred shuffled himself and the pouffe backwards allowing Arthur full room to get down on all fours, and spray and scrub at the mustard. "Does Ronald Mc'bloody Donald include stain remover within a Big Mac'? Does Burger bleeding King? _I THINK NOT_!"

"That's because small children would eat them silly." Alfred said as Arthur stared into the carpet, awaiting anymore stains. "Look, Iggy if it means that much to you I'll buy you a rug to place over the stain."

"But hardly any colours go with ecru!" Arthur wailed, "You've done it now you twit!"

Alfred was getting rather bored of this, it _was _just a stain. Then an idea formed within his head. "Would it be better if you came to celebrate my birthday instead?"

"What?" Arthur looked up, was Alfred actually inviting him to his birthday? The last party Alfred had thrown with Arthur's attendance, had resulted in that terrible rigged game of spin the bottle.

"Yeah..." Alfred said a little nervous now, he hadn't actually expected Arthur to be interested, he had expected a snappy 'no!' and the history of mustard. "I'm going to Vegas with Mattie."

"Oh." Arthur pulled up, kneeling now. "Well, that would be very nice Alfred. Thank you."

Alfred stared at him, where had that timid little 'thank you' come from? Suddenly he grinned.

"Your welcome Iggy, you know its because I'm awesome!" he laughed and Arthur quickly turned back to his carpet stain. Alfred finished his spontaneous laughter with a half hearted chuckle and picked a pen up from the coffee table, which had been perfectly aligned with Iggy's crossword book. Taking off his glove he clicked the pen and scrawled on his hand.

'_Must invite Iggy to birthday, phooey. Tell Mattie...Invite Francis?' _

Or would that put a dampener on things? Alfred could see himself and Mattie, enjoying martini's in a casino, while Arthur was unwillingly whisked away to the nearest Vegas chapel. He remembered Francis reminiscing about the time he cut Iggy's hair, and nearly married him. No, as fun as it would be for Alfred to see Iggy being sexually harassed, Alfred would be in a spot of trouble if Francis married himself to Arthur. Alfred scribbled out the last line and thought deeply,(for once) as Arthur pottered around him, putting his cleaning supplies away, and crying about his bloody ecru carpet.

Alfred had no choice, Arthur was coming to Vegas with him.

--

"I don't mind." Mattie told Alfred honestly, "Its your birthday Alfred, as long as you have a good time that's all that matters."

"Yes, but I didn't want to invite him in the first place." Alfred sighed, sipping his coca cola. "I only invited him so he would shut up about his stupid eco carpet."

"Do you mean ecru?" Canada tried to correct his brother, but Alfred ignored him, (which Matthew was used to) and carried on.

"It was only mustard for God's sake, but he acted as if I'd poured oil all over it. I'm trying to think of something we could do to drive him away, something that will make him cancel on me."

"Why don't you want him to come anyway?" Mattie asked, what did it really matter if England was there?

"Because, he'll just moan about it all the time, because he can't face up to the fact America is a hundred-no a thousand- _no _a billion times more awesome than his country!" Alfred cried punching the air proud of his country. "That and he gets kinda' scary when he's drunk, he becomes bitter and violent."

"So what will you do?" Canada asked, clutching Kumajirou.

"Why, we'll hatch an awesome plan!" Alfred chuckled, "Afterall, it won't be hard, I'm Alfred F. Jones! The F stands for awesome, I _am a hero!" _Alfred cheered for himself, standing up in his seat he waved his arms victoriously, forgetting he had not even a plan ready.

"What are you going to do?" Mattie repeated taking a drink from his mini-cola. "You can't exactly hurt him can you?"

Alfred paused waving mid-air, his plan to drop something heavy on Iggy's foot disappearing. "No, I don't think I can." he sat down then, drinking his cola and shoving a fistful of fries into his mouth. "I thought about inviting Francis, but it might ruin things if he forces Iggy to marry him in a chapel."

The younger country nodded, "What about another country?"

Alfred thought deeply, (for the second time that day) as he made a mental list of other countries.

"Well, I suppose, but I haven't the foggiest who..."

"What if you auditioned people?" Mattie suggested, "Well maybe not audition..but ob-"

"Wait!" Alfred gasped. "Why don't I observe countries then audition them? Goodness Alfred you genius!" he patted his brother on the head. "See, I told you I'd think of an awesome plan! What were you going to say Mattie?"

"I don't have to audition do I?" he asked meekly, he had the feeling he would go unnoticed...

"No, I need you to help me judge or whatever." Alfred said, "But remember, we're trying to drive Iggy away."

"Drive...Arthur...away..." Mattie wrote on a napkin, before frowning, he wasn't cut out for this.

"We'll do it tomorrow at the meeting." Alfred added, "We don't really _need _to talk about global warming...or over population of the planet...its incredibly boring and nobody listens to the best plans, _my plans." _

"I like your plans Alfred.." Mattie said as he wrote the rest of Alfred's words down on the napkin.

--

The next morning Alfred marched determinedly into the latest World Meeting, with Mattie hot at his heels.

"Right." he said, eyeing Arthur in the corner, who was trying unsuccessfully to get Sealand to go home. "Everybody listen up!" he shouted, catching their attention.

"Move a table over there Mattie." he then whispered to his brother, "So we can have a judging table."

"What on earth is this about?" Sweden's Berwald Oxenstierna asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Alfred we have some very important issues to discuss-"

"I couldn't have said it better myself!" Alfred nodded, "Everybody in a line against the wall!"

"Hey look! The table's moving by itself!" they all looked as Canada pushed the table in Alfred's direction, Alfred blinked. "Your right! Iggy can you see anything?"

Arthur scowled at Alfred, "No I can't actually, just beca-"

"Nevermind, we should get started!" Alfred interuppted again, "Like I said against the wall please!"

All reluctantly did so, except Russia, who sat on the table Canada was pushing, drinking his vodka; Alfred thought best to leave him.

"Okay, so you all know its my birthday in a few days," Alfred grinned as some of the countries groaned. "And I can only take a few friends so I'm holding auditions!"

"Wait a minute-" Berwald scowled, "Your actually holding auditions for your birthday party?"

Finland peered out from behind his friend, "I thought it was somebody else's birthday on the first of July, today?"

The trio paused for a moment before shrugging it off,

"No I don't think so, nobody here has a birthday today."

Mattie sat on the table he had finished pushing and sighed gently, nevermind, there was always his next birthday... He glanced at Russia, "C-could I have some?" he asked timidly and Ivan blinked, looking around he stared at Kumajirou on the table beside him. Vodka was becoming very intoxicating, Ivan decided, he tucked the bottle away, better not have anymore until stuffed animals stopped talking to him.

"Okay, so I'll sit over here," Alfred explained running over to the table, "And you all do something that makes me think 'oh wow, they are actually quite the tiniest bit awesome,'."

"This is ridiculous," Germany scoffed, "I know I have better things to do with my time."

"As do I," Berwald agreed, "Some of us are going to go over there and actually discuss the world affairs."

"Okay you do that while we have an awesome time!" Alfred called as Sweden, Germany and Finland made their way across the room. Sweden turned around, glancing back at the other nations,

"Is anybody else coming?" he asked, several nations followed him; including Spain, who had never liked Alfred that much since he had beaten Spain up time ago.

"Arthur?" Berwald asked and Arthur blinked, the world meeting was very important, and he _was _already invited...

"Iggy," Alfred pouted, "I need you here, please." he said, blinking his blue eyes. Arthur was reminded instantly of the young America, before his independence, a time when he had depended entirely on Arthur.

"All right," he said, apologising to Berwald. "I'll stay."

"Great!" Alfred grinned jumping back, he surveyed his 'contestants', he had Iggy of course, Francis (who had suddenly changed into a leotard for his audition), Japan, North Italy and China.

Alfred took his seat beside Ivan and Kumajirou, (who was actually on Canada's lap but nobody noticed, not even Kumajirou), "Lets start!" he called quite excitedly, he felt like that judge from X Factor, the one with the tight trousers. But of course, much incredibly more awesome.

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**All I could think about in the last paragraph was Francis in his leotard. And thankies to Noodleschan who helped me with the title and is an incredible friend. Check out her Hetalia story tis wonderful! **


	2. Chapter 2: Shrooms

**I am so so sorry about such a late update, I had some trouble writing this chapter. I promise future updates will not take as long.**

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"So what do you feel you could bring to my birthday?" Alfred asked, leaning back in his chair casually. The auditions for his birthday companions were well on their way. Well except for the spoilsports who sat in the corner, muttering boring words like 'global pandemic' or 'disaster'. Oh, and of course the fact he had to disqualify Francis, for an -almost- public display of personal genitalia.

"But _mon ami!_" he cried, "I have not even started! I could make your _anniversaire très très fantastique!" _

"Francis, I don't think Alfred _wants _to see you jump out of a cake...in a banana hammock..." Arthur had frowned and Francis glared at him. "You are just jealous!" he had scoffed.

But anyway, Alfred ignored the squabbling nations as he focused on his latest contestant.

"Feliciano?" Alfred said, as the Italian stood on the spot, a dreamy smile on his face. "What would you-"

"Pasta!" he grinned in response.

"Oh." Alfred glanced at Ivan, who didn't count so turned to his left instead, but only saw Kumajirou. Where _was _Canada?

"And gelato!" Italy smiled drooling slightly. Alfred remembered the time he and the Allied Forces attempted to ambush the Axis Powers on the beach, and a strange illusion had occured, where Italy's 'Grandpa Rome!' had appeared across the ocean, singing melodically. That had seriously freaked Alfred, he didn't want a repeat performance, and it was known, North Italy was quite _annoying. _

"Thanks Feliciano, but I think your needed here." Alfred lied quite bluntly, but the pasta loving man didn't seem to mind, he had spotted his 'friend' Germany, and hadn't the attention span for anything else. Alfred sighed crossing Italy's name of his list, he of course was going to carefully reject each country. This trip was supposed to be just him and Mattie -where was he anyway?- and if it weren't for Arthur's hernia over a mustard stain, it could have stayed that way. Alfred wondered if he was going to too much trouble, couldn't he just gently ask England not to come? He looked up as Arthur sat in his chair by the side of the room, gently adjusting his tie. Shit he was next.

"Uh..Iggy." Alfred called, getting a slight kick as England grimaced at the nickname. Arthur walked over and stood before the table, "I didn't think I'd have to do this, you invited me after all."

"What made you say yes?" Alfred blinked innocently and Arthur looked at the floor, then Alfred.

"Well, I suppose, because, well...to make up for the mustard stain." he shrugged and Alfred gawked at him.

"Is this still about your bloody carpet Arthur?" he asked. Arthur blushed lightly, "Not so much no." he replied, "But well you invited me, it would have been impolite to say no, and well..as my former charge, I should be there on your..er birthday."

America blinked again, for once rather speechless. How on earth was he supposed to ask Iggy to leave now? It was a pull at the heartstrings and what not, a small one but a pull none the less. What could he do? He was stuck with the old git.

**--**

The morning Alfred flew home could not have come sooner. Unfortunately this time Arthur was with him. Admittedly there had been a _slight _mishap, where Alfred, -in a last chance attempt to ditch Iggy- had scribbled on England's passport, which the check in desk mistook as his unruly eyebrows. So Arthur got through. Damn.

"Would you like some orange juice Mr Jones?" Alfred looked up at an air stewardess,face plastered in make up; who smiled at him scarily.

"Yeah, I would." he nodded watching as she poured him a cup.

"And your friends?" she asked, Alfred glanced to his left, where England snoozed loudly in the middle, and Canada- well his seat was empty.

"No, I don't think he'll have any," Alfred replied turning away from Arthur. "He's rather old you see, he has bladder problems."

The stewardess paled slightly, putting the juice away she wheeled the cart off. Obviously she did not want the task of cleaning up any elderly accidents.

Alfred hummed to himself, tapping his fingers on the armrest rather relaxed. Glancing at Arthur again his eyes ran over the Brit's earphones, leading down into his crappy Ipod nano -Alfred had a much more awesome version-

_'I wonder what he's listening to.' _Stealthily the American reached out and took one of Arthur's earpieces, his eye twitched at the ear hair on it, before he plucked it off and flicked it away. He then inserted the piece into his ear-  
'_Dancing through life! Skimming the surface!'  
_What the f.u.c.k? Alfred grabbed the device.

'_Dancing through life- Wicked soundtrack.'  
__Wicked_? What was _Wicked_....?Oh. Yes. That play about the wizard of Oz with the green woman and the pink fairy who always reminded Alfred of Francis. Alfred thought this rather flamboyant of England, but the beat was rather catchy....

After a peaceful nap, Arthur yawned elegantly before sitting up, rubbing his eyes he was about to reach for his Ipod..where was it?

'Sing along Iggy!" Alfred belted down his ear. '_Just you and I, DEFYING GRAVITY! "_

"Is that my Ipod you git?"

"_KISS ME GOODBYE, IM DEFYING GRAVITY!" _

_"_Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to be quiet- your disturbing other passengers-"

"_AND NO WIZARD THAT THERE EVER IS OR WAS, IS EVER GONNA BRING US DOWN!" _

"You didn't even get the lyrics right you dick!"

Both men left the plane in a pleasant mood -despite being banned from Virgin Atlantic aircraft- and went to collect their luggage.

"There'll be a taxi outside for us," Alfred said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

"I have the most dreadful feeling we've forgot something..." Arthur replied, picking up his suitcase.

Both thought for a moment before shaking their heads.

"Nah."

"Can't put my finger on it."

"Put your finger on what?"

"It's a simile...or a verb- I don't know- oh! Expression!"

"_Defying gravity...."  
_Canada watched as they walked away jabbering nonsense to each other, he glanced at Kumajirou and smiled weakly. "N-nevermind- lets just get to the taxi okay?"

"_Who the hell are you_?" the bear mumbled and wandered on ahead after Alfred and Arthur. Matthew blinked and sighed again.

"N-nevermind!" he repeated following his stuffed friend. Nevermind.

--

Blank. That was Arthur Kirkland's current state of mind.

As desperately as he tried, he couldn't salvage any memories from the previous six hours. He knew the basics, he had set out from the hotel with America and Canada at approximately six thirty pm. They had arrived at a random casino of Alfred's choice, Arthur couldn't even remember the goddamn _name. _

They had tried the slot machines at first, and all had gone fantastically well, of course; until America claimed that Arthur was cheating -because there was _no way _Arthur could win more money in Alfred's country!- and they had squabbled over how to operate the machines. With Arthur hammering on the buttons with his fists and Alfred practically swinging off the lever- it was enough for management to ban them. So America suggested the bar, (by this point; Canada as usual, had disappeared) and that was the point England forgot everything. Arthur groaned as he realised he was face down in a puddle of sticky drool, oh god. Ew. He raised his head and wiped his chin, quite surprised at the large volume of drool which spread across the counter to another passed out blond. Who also was drooling, oh wait... Arthur gasped in horror, he had been face down in _Alfreds saliva. _

Gagging he wiped his lips again, and grabbed the clear liquid across from him. As he downed the drink he thought about how nice was is that the bartender left water for him... Until his whole mouth burned, and it soared down his throat making him gag in reflex.

Vodka.

"Another _Purple Haze _**(1)** sir?" the bartender asked, polishing a glass. It seemed he didn't care he had a proud -although drunken- country before him, as long as he sold '_Purple Haze'_.

"Go un thennn." England found himself slurring. As the bartender nodded and turned away, Arthur glanced back across at America; who twitched and writhed in his sleep. Feeling rather cruel, and of course under the influence, Arthur reached for his empty vodka glass, and ran his finger around the rim. He then leaned over to Alfred and with his other hand pulled up his eyelid, before quickly dabbing it around the ciliary edge. Leaning back he sighed in drunken stupor, waiting for-

"_Fucking hell!" _  
That. America leapt up, rubbing his eye; which of course made it worse. England left him to wail and blubber for a moment, before he smirked; feeling for some reason, superior.

"You..p-p-prick!" Alfred snapped, "I know it wuz you!"

Arthur nodded in agreement, before smiling as the bartender slowly slid the intoxicating purple shot toward him.

"Muchos grasias monsy-er." Arthur thanked him, then checked his watch. "Golly Fred, -can I c-call you Fred? I've alwees wanted to- its almost bloody two am! Think we should get back ?"

"Arthurrr-" America slurred in response. "You have something on your face-oh, wait...its your eyebrows." Alfred snickered and Arthur threw back his shot.

"Yes- well. Alfreddd. You. Are. Fat." he laughed slamming the glass down.

"Iggy, look." Alfred said reaching into his pocket. "O-on-one of the prozzies gave em' to meeeee...." he held out a packet of magic mushrooms.

"Oh jolly good!"

"Reeeeeet-well how do I-oh!"

"You you you you just ripped the bucket- I mean packet- you tosser!"

"No no, its okay- dint' drop any."

"So how does this work? Do I snort em' or summat'?"

"Iggy that's not your nose-"

"Piss off."

The bartender cut in at this point.

"Look guys, I allow drunken asses but not druggies, so either put them away or do it in the ally, kay?" he frowned.

"Geez." Alfred raised an eyebrow in a seductive fashion, "Keep your panties on." he sighed, scooping the shrooms up he put them in his pocket.

"Come on Iggy." he then sighed as Arthur pocketed a bottle of whisky. "We're not wanted."

The pair staggered to the door, and outside, where the flashing lights stunned them for a moment. England glanced upwards at the sign _'Venus's Nipple'  
_So _that _was the name.

"Right, well let me get them sorted out again." America giggled pulling the mushrooms back out of his bomber jacket. Whilst in wait Arthur took a swig of whisky, jumping in suprise as his beautiful fae friend appeared before him.

"_Arthur stop!" _she cried sounding rather upset. _"You've never been this drunk before, and I'm worried you'll do something stupid if you don't go back to the hotel now-"_

"Are you called Tinkerbell?" Arthur asked, taking another swig. "Or whatsitsname, Noddy?"

The fairy looked furious, her delicate ivory face turned a dangerous shade of red.

"_Fine you fucking dick." _she snapped and Arthur gasped; when did his friends curse so, so _vulgarly_?

"_Just don't you dare call upon us for help when you do something you'll live to regret." _the fae glared at him, and within a poof of glitter vanished once again.

The rest was once again blank from there, Arthur didn't remember the mushrooms or what they did to him. All he really remembered was a darling little white building, with romantic flashing lights.

Arthur snorted to himself, feeling giggly. Only an idiot would go in _there. _

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**Admittedly not the best work I have written, but there was a significant amount I had to include, so the next chapter could be used. (You can probably guess whats in it.)**

**(1) _Purple Haze- _in all fairness a nice drink, but makes you do stupid things... **

**Please enjoy, and please review! :) **

**Strawberrii ~ **


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